Hello world, how’s it going?
I’m working on a few different posts at the moment but can’t seem to find my flow to get them past the planning stage. I thought I was starting to find writing a bit easier but perhaps I was just having a temporary rush of inspiration. Can’t write the blog posts or poetry either.
My anxiety levels have been heightend the last few days though, so I wonder whether that might be a factor? If so, that would be kind of ironic because depression makes me very prolific!
I’ve also been very tired though, so I won’t jump to conclusions just yet.
What are your strategies for coping with writer’s block?
I wrote and published a poem on here the other day because I came across a poetry competition online and felt compelled to see how quickly I could write. I enjoy challenging myself intellectually from time to time.
The submission deadline was today, but I missed it because I was out with my family.
Initially I felt a pang of disappointment and guilt for missing the deadline, like I had met myself down after working on the poem. In truth though, I knew that the poem itself wasn’t good enough. On reflection, I think I was just seeking the instant gratification that submitting the poem would have provided.
I enjoy writing poetry, partly because it is quite short and I can devise it quite quickly. But quick doesn’t equate to good, right? Creative writing can’t fulfil its potential on instinct alone?
I read an article/interview recently that described a poet as being someone who lives and breathes poetry – reading and writing it all day long. By this definition, I am not a poet, or even a writer. To be a writer, I must hone my craft; to behold my pen as a violinist beholds their bow and engage it just as much.
Ultimately, if I really want to improve my writing – of any kind, not just my poetry – then I am going to have to put the time in and practise, practise, practise.
So, many more posts to follow then I guess?
I suppose before I start detailing the minutiae of my (probably) rather tedious existence, I should provide some degree of history to explain how I got here and why I am boring you with such things.
However, I will try to keep this entry relevant and concise to avoid it sounding like a meandering diary entry. Let’s say, five main points?
- My Background. I always enjoyed writing as a child, but never gave myself the opportunity to do it for a living. That said, I have undertaken a little bit of freelance work writing content for a website, but I don’t know if I’m actually any good at it.
- My Perspective. I feel that I have a reasonable amount of life experience, in addition to qualifications in both Psychology and Geosciences, so my posts are likely to be analytical and open-minded, but with a focus facts where appropriate.
- My Brain. So, full disclosure – I have mental health issues. Not exactly surprising in this day and age or even in this internet community, but I felt I should mention it as it may shed some light on how my worldview and perspectives on particular situations have been formed. On the whole though, I consider that I represent my persona as a functional member of society.
- My Family. Despite my best efforts to live an unconventional lifestyle (more on that later), I find myself in an accidental ‘nuclear family’ situation. After my last pregnancy we used shared parental leave so that my partner could be the primary carer and I could return to work, but this time I am attempting to do the stay-at-home mummy thing. It’s going great, right? A few months in and I’m already looking for distractions.
- My Job. I started my job in June 2017, six weeks after giving birth – which, in the UK at least, is crazy early to be returning to work. The nature of the job meant that I had little support or training and I realise now that I was already showing symptoms of postnatal depression, including those that affected my ability to carry out my role. After a matter of weeks I was feeling like a failure both at work and at home. This set a bad precedent in terms of how my performance was viewed at work. That difficult start has haunted every meeting with my manager since. After working hard to recoup lost ground I have come to realise that I will never meet her unrealistic expectations. This is why I have to find another way of making a living.
So, there you have it. A quick run down of why I’m attempting to set up a blog. If you’ve read to the bottom, how about giving me a ‘like’ so I know someone is out there?
I sit here cautiously savouring the relative calm of mid-evening; both of my young children are asleep in bed (for now) and after pondering what I am going to write here all day, I finally have the time to actually do it. Yet, I am still making this up as I go along.
Please bear with me.
What you have stumbled across here is essentially an ill-formed idea, a maybe/hopefully side-project that may possibly lead to an improvement in my situation or, perhaps, to nothing.
What do I hope this will be?
- Quite simply, the first of many posts.
- A place for me, where I may stretch my creative muscles again (without interruption from little ones) and hopefully work towards building a portfolio of marketable work.
- An escape route. After many years of working in corporate or office settings, I have come to realise that no matter how much I try to fit in, I am just not suited for the associated politics. I am currently on maternity leave and to be in a position where I do not have to rush straight back into work when it ends would be heaven.
So, hello… I am Rach, an aspiring freelance writer.