Tonight I have my first session of online therapy.
As the appointment approaches, I can feel my senses of cynicism and fatalism growing. It is fair to say that I don’t have high hopes.
I have been open so far about the fact I am currently struggling with my mental health, but haven’t gone into much detail. Perhaps I will in time, but I feel more comfortable keeping things quite general for now.
I am trying to maintain an open mind about the session and I really want to try and engage with it in order to give myself the best chance of recovery. I owe it to myself, but also to my little family, who are affected by my issues to some degree on a daily basis.
However, I have a number of concerns that are playing on my mind.
- The format. I’m not convinced by the online (chatting) element of the therapy, but mental health services here are now overstretched and underfunded, so I guess I’m lucky that I can access help at all.
- The type of therapy. It is essentially going to be CBT, which is most appropriate for treatment of depression and anxiety. I would say that these are secondary issues arising from my ‘primary’ mental health issues, so it seems to me that I would be treating the symptoms rather than the cause. Other types of therapy have worked better for me in the past, but unfortunately they are not available to me (at least, not without high cost). It seems that I always seem to fall into the gap between being too crazy for X but not crazy enough for Y. I’m sure I’m not the only person to experience this?
- Past experience. The fact is, I have been there/ done that before. If it didn’t work previously, why would it work now?
On reflection, I do find it hard to discuss my feelings with people and am infinitely more articulate via the written word so it could have positive results after all?
Well, I suppose time will tell. I will keep you updated.